Helping

At what point does helping your child, hinder them?

Ava has a book report due this week.  She has to make a foam pumpkin into a character from her book.  She will also dress as the character with pumpkin in hand and parade across the stage at school.  She chose a book about a bunny.

I took her to the craft store and we spent $11.36 on a foam pumpkin and a few supplies for her to begin her project.  I instructed her to lay out a towel on the floor in our freshly shampooed living room floor and make her pumpkin into a bunny.  I didn't offer any suggestions on how EXCEPT to perhaps paint it white first.  So she painted it white.  She was SO anxious for it to dry, and when it did she began creating her bunny.  She decided this bunny needed to be a princess.  (Obviously!  A plain white bunny is SO boring!)  She pasted gems, hearts, & flowers on her.  She made the mouth out of a flower so it looks like it is kissing. She asked for my help on the whiskers, so I obliged, but was sure to make them just as I thought she would.  She loved them.  Then it came down to the ears.  The ears are perhaps the most important part of the bunny, because it makes you understand what the animal is.  I could have pulled out a bunny headband she had in her dress up chest upstairs and hot glue it on for her.  I could have constructed something life-like for her to attach.  I did none of those things.  I let her create them on her own, using the supplies she had and her imagination.  She took her favorite ribbon, a blue, pink & black high school musical ribbon, and cut and folded it perfectly.  She then glued the ears on.  She did an amazing job and requested no help from me.  She was so proud.  I AM SO PROUD OF HER!  I will cherish this pumpkin.

Later that night while perusing social media, a friend of mine posted a photo of her son's pumpkin.  It was a lion.  The most realistic looking lion pumpkin I have ever seen.  I am still trying to figure out HOW she (he) did it.  My best guess is they gutted the head of a stuffed animal and slipped it on top of the pumpkin.  I have NO idea how they did it.  It's gorgeous.  BUT it's not his work.  I was snarky and said something about "wow, Ava might get an F if that is her competition" she responded saying that "he did all the work, I just helped with the concept"  YEAH FREAKING RIGHT.  I refrain from posting a photo of the lion pumpkin...but just imagine a realistic lion, and that's it.

At what point does helping your child hinder them?

I sat down and talked with Ava after seeing this.  I told her how gorgeous her pumpkin turned out and how proud of her I was that she did it all on her own.  I told her that she will likely see some pretty fancy pumpkins this week but to remember that she did her's on her own and that many kid's parents may like to take over projects and HELP them a bit more than they should.  I told her over and over how beautiful and perfect her pumpkin is.  I will save this pumpkin forever.

Parents, let's think about what we are doing when we "Help" our children.  What are they learning if you are doing everything for them?  What are they learning if you dictate HOW to use their imagination?  What are they learning if when they get frustrated you simply take over?

My hope is that Ava's teacher encourages her when she sees her pumpkin.  My hope is that she also encourages the child who did not do their own work.  I hope that she encourages him to stand up for himself and insist he do it on his own next time.  I hope that he gains the independence Ava did on this simple project.